Why does rejection hurt so much?

Rejection is a universal human experience that most of us go through at some point in our lives.  Rejection itself is neutral, but we keep taking it personally because we have an intense primitive desire to be liked. Feeling rejected is a commonly painful experience that we may inevitably have to deal with; whether it be a romantic rejection, job rejection, friendship breakup or estrangement from family members, rejection can have multitude of emotional and psychological consequences.

Research suggests that rejection activates similar brain areas as physical pain. As humans we value the need to belong, our brain amplifies our discomfort at being rejected by others. One of the main reasons why rejection brings intense pain is that it triggers a range of emotions, such as sadness, disappointment, shame, anger and frustration. The inner critic, the voice inside your head telling you “you are not smart enough” “you are not beautiful”  “you are not competent for this job”

Rejection is something we cannot escape, we may experience it in relationships, at work or in society however too much rejection can sometimes make us feel like a failure. In reality rejection is a temporary feeling, it’s your body shutting down to protect you against the emotional pain that it anticipates.

 Here are some effective ways to overcome rejection:

• Giving yourself time to heal from that pain of rejection.

• Accepting that you cannot be loved/chosen by everyone and that is okay.

• Trying not to judge yourself, showing some self-compassion.

• Surrounding yourself with people you know and trust.

• Seeking support in therapy or counselling to help process your thoughts.

 Connect with me to learn more about how therapy can support you in this journey.